I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
