I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
