she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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