what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
