Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
