what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
