Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize