mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
