im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
