laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
