So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
