how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
