I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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