I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
