I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
