i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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