i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
