I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Where is the hickey?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
