I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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