and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
