I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
