You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize