My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
