I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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