Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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