sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
