is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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