I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Buhtt sex?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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