But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
