You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I need water and some morals
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
