can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is the high leading the old right now
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
