ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
