She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
