I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
