So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
