he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
