sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
