I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
