You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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