I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize