drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
