It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
