so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize