I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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