i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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