First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
