Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
