Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
