hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
