i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
