what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
