it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
