just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
