I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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