hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize