Who did Billy Mays play for?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
