Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
