Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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