Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
