No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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