Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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