I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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