i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you had me at cake vodka
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
