I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
