Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
