The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
