there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize