I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
