When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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