Only a mothe r could love this liver
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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