I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Randomize
