yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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